My name was Steven

I had just turned 32 years old when I died of a drug overdose and fentanyl poisoning on October 19th, 2023. 

I was more than a drug addict, though. I was a son, brother, uncle, nephew, grandchild, friend, lover, server, dancer, goofball, reality tv enthusiast, lgbtq+ member, sunglasses collector and so much more. 

I was great with people, that's how I rocked it in the food industry as a server for 10+ years. I loved singing and dancing and had the most contagious laugh. Elephants were my favorite animal. My apartment was decorated with elephant paintings and sculptures. I stood up for people who needed it. I always felt I had extra love to give. So much extra, that I constantly brought home new pets, despite my family's pleas not to. 

What can I say? I'm a sucker for the underdog. Some might even say I was one. Yeah, I was full of life and light on the outside, but on the inside I had my struggles. I know what you're thinking, "everyone has struggles, yet not everyone does drugs". Well, I got news for you. Not everyone won the lottery of addictive genes or poor brain chemistry. 

That's right, drug addiction is a mental disorder. It is not a choice. I did not want to be like this, I swear it. When I was little, I had many dreams, one of them was to be a chef. A drug addict was not among the dreams on that list. I tried so hard to fight. I had the necessary support system. I was surrounded by family and friends who loved me with all their hearts, even in spite of what I put them through. My mom never gave up on me. I did not mean to do this to her. I fought for nearly 13 years. I was even doing really well, up until the last 48 hours. 

I don't know what happened. I can't tell you why I absolutely had to have it, right that very instant. This feeling was a frenzy I could not fight any longer, despite warnings from my connections not to buy anything that day. 

I had to have it, and I got more than I bargained for. Fentanyl was found in my system, along with another drug that veterinarians and researchers use to make animals unconscious. 

Yes, you read that right. I did not ask for this. Yet, it happened anyway, and it can happen to anyone. 

So, there you have it. It's a sad story among so many similar stories. I don't remember the source, but I think it's something like 136 deaths from overdoses every day in the US.* I hate that I was part of that statistic. If there is one thing I can accomplish from where I stand now, it is this: I hope to prevent stories like mine from happening again and again and again. Here you can find resources to help you or a loved one who is struggling with drug addiction.

I created a blog because I want people to know me. I want them to know who I was.

My blog features snippets of letters I've written to loved ones as well as real journal entries. Follow to get your scoop of what was going on inside my head during my lifetime. You will see for yourself that my addiction was only a small part of me.